Facing the Memories
by XxTassBxX
Summary: Nick's return to Holby brings back painful memories for him; memories that he'd rather not think about. Will his visit help him cope with past events? How will a certain someone react to his return?
1. Chapter 1

**Facing The Memories **

**This is my new fanfic. It will only be three of four chapters, most of which are already written! This first chapter is mainly about Nick and I hope it won't be too boring for you! Please give a review and tell me what you think, whether good or bad :) Enjoy!**

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A bitter sweet return. That's how it felt to Nick as he stepped into his hotel room, his home for the next couple of weeks. It wasn't the extravagance and luxury of the United States but he wasn't too disconcerted with it. He placed his luggage, which consisted of one large suitcase, a small bag of hand luggage and a leather briefcase, down in the corner of the room and stepped back to study the room, taking in every detail. His eyes were drawn towards the window which pretty much spanned the whole of the wall. He wandered over towards it and admired the view. Sure, it wasn't quite the city panorama he was accustomed to back in Michigan but to Nick, the Holby scape was special. He had moulded his career in this very city. He had met some inspirational people and Nick was in no doubt that without them, he wouldn't be where he was today.

However, although it was special it still held some painful memories. Memories that Nick knew he would have to confront on this brief visit. In all honestly, that was the main reason for coming back. He had promised Diana, Yvonne's mother, that he'd keep in contact and visit when he could. That promise, Nick regretted to admit, had been broken. In the two years he'd been away, he hadn't returned to see Diana and he'd only called her twice. However, the thing Nick felt most guilty about was leaving Yvonne. His decision to leave Holby for Michigan hadn't been taken lightly and at the fore front of his mind was Yvonne. For the first few months after her death, Nick had felt as if he'd just abandoned her. He hated the fact that he couldn't go and put flowers on her grave or just sit and talk to her but Nick knew that staying in Holby would be agony for him.

He sighed as he backed away from the window. He reached down towards his briefcase and pulled out his phone. The screen lit up brightly as he searched through his messages. He smiled as he saw all the texts that him and Zoe had shared over the past few months. They'd still remained great friends, Nick made sure of that. They'd been through too much over the years to lose touch with each other. He gave another smile at the thought of seeing his best friend again. Nick hadn't actually told Zoe that he was coming over to England. He had wanted to make it a complete surprise and Nick was pretty certain that it would be just that. In fact, he hadn't let anyone except Diana know.

Zoe had made sure to keep Nick in the loop while he was away. She'd filled him in on every little detail of the happenings in the ED, from new staff to changes in the way certain procedures were carried out. Of course, this information was met with a seal of approval from Nick or a shake of the head. He knew only too well of the issues that Zoe was facing as the new clinical lead and he was always on hand to offer any valuable pieces of advice the he had accumulated over the years. He knew that Zoe was grateful for this. It was clear that when she first started, Zoe was extremely unsure of herself, unsure of her ability to deal with this new role that demanded so much of her time. Frequently, Nick had had Zoe crying down the phone and at those moments, he'd wished that he was with her to comfort and help her. Apart from work though, Nick was well aware that Zoe was happy and content. Zoe had informed him that in the past few months, she'd met someone. A guy called Max, his occupation a porter. Nick was surprised at first at this development. He had imagined Zoe being with someone who was more at her level professionally. This didn't mean that Nick wasn't happy for Zoe though. Far from it. He was overjoyed that Zoe had found someone whom she was happy with. Max sounded a decent guy and it was clear that he thought the world of her. That was all that mattered to Nick.

It wasn't that late in the evening but Nick had most certainly had a long day. The flight from his apartment in Detroit, a city in Michigan, to London Heathrow had taken just over 8 hours. On top of that, he'd taken a hire car from Heathrow airport to his hotel in Holby which had taken around 2 hours. By the time he arrived, it had just gone 7pm and the light had begun to fade. The long journey had tired Nick out and he decided the best idea was to grab a bite to eat in the hotel restaurant and then have an early night, ready to visit Diana in the morning.


	2. Chapter 2

The light from the morning sun crept slowly around the curtain as Nick stirred from his deep sleep. As he slowly opened his eyes, he realised how grateful he was for such a good night's sleep. He'd most definitely need it in preparation for what promised to be an emotionally challenging day. He turned his head to look at the alarm clock placed neatly upon the bedside cabinet. It was only quarter to eight. Nick had half an hour before the alarm was scheduled to wake him but he decided that he might as well get up and get out of the hotel early.

Just under an hour and a half later, Nick was sat in his hired Mercedes and heading towards Diana's house. Luckily it was only 10 miles away; Nick hadn't fancied driving too far today.

15 minutes later and Nick pulled up outside Diana's residence. As Nick got out of the car, he admired the grand appearance of the house, the decoration particular of the Victorian era. As he walked up the gravel drive towards the front door, Nick's heart began to beat faster. He took a deep breath as his finger hovered over the door bell, unsure of whether the decision to meet Diana was a good idea anymore. He shook his head as he thought how daft he sounded. Of course seeing Diana again was a good idea. It would give him a chance to talk to someone who knew Yvonne better than others and he hoped that they would recall some lovely memories of her. It wasn't long before Nick heard some hurried footsteps coming down the hall. A few seconds later and the front door was open. Diana stood there, a half hearted smile etched upon her face.

"Nick" she said, her voice almost a whisper. It took her a while to formulate a more substantial reply. Finally she achieved it. "It's so good to see you again. Come in" Diana stepped back in the doorway to let Nick through. Nick nodded politely towards Diana and walked into the house. He stood in the hallway, feeling slightly awkward, as Diana closed the door slowly. Afterwards, she span around on her heel and smiled towards Nick. It wasn't a genuine smile. It seemed that it took all of her strength to paint the seemingly happy expression on her face. "How are have been keeping Nick?"

"Not too bad" Nick replied simply, unsure of what else to reply "How are you?"

"Oh, there are good days and then there are bad days" Diana answered, her thick Irish accent coming through as she spoke. "It's been very difficult since..." Diana didn't need to finish her sentence.

"I know"

Diana looked towards the door that led to the sitting room and gestured for Nick to go through. Nick obliged and as he entered, his eyes were immediately drawn towards the fireplace. Upon it sat many photo frames and almost all of them contained pictures of Yvonne. Nick swallowed quickly, aware of a large lump forming in his throat. He wasn't going to cry. He'd promised himself that he wouldn't. He quickly turned away from the pictures and took a seat on the sofa. Diana followed quickly after and sat opposite Nick.

"How has Michigan been?" Diana asked. She wasn't sure what to ask Nick so this seemed a good a conversation starter than any.

"Eventful to say the least. I joined forces with my former mentor and Cardiothoracic surgeon Anton Meyer at the Beaumont Hospital, Royal Oak campus" answered Nick as Diana nodded. She had vaguely remembered Nick talking about his plans before he'd left Holby. "It was tough. Meyer has high expectations of everyone who works alongside. When I worked with him before I'd been a registrar but even now as a consultant and at his level, I still find working with him a challenge. He's extremely driven but an incredible surgeon"

"A big difference from Holby then?" laughed Diana half heartedly.

"Most definitely. The facilities at the Beaumont are second to none and I was working with some of the top surgeons in the world"

"Yvonne would be so proud" An uneasy silence fell over the two of them after Diana had made this comment. Nick blinked back the tears that were threatening to fall but it was to no avail. "I miss her so much"

Nick sighed and rubbed his face. This was the most difficult topic of conversation for him and he couldn't imagine how hard it had been for Diana to deal with. "I miss her too Diana. Every single day"

"She was still so young. She was doing so well in her career with her whole life ahead of her" Tears had begun to stream down Diana's cheeks as she spoke about Yvonne. "Why her? Why did she have to get hurt?" Diana's tears gradually turned in sobs. Nick quickly left his seat and sat down next Diana, putting his arm around her. He pulled her close and Diana rested her head on his shoulder.

"I should have protected her" Nick said, his eyes red and puffy from his tears.

"What could you have done?" asked Diana "Nick, you were not to blame for what happened to Yvonne"

"I just feel so guilty"

"Why?"

Nick looked at Diana nervously and then to the floor. "We had an argument, before Yvonne's accident. On the night of the riots, Yvonne had tried to call me but I ignored her calls. It was a cry for help and I completely ignored it"

"Oh, Nick" Diana sighed, taking Nick's hand and squeezing it gently. It was clear to Diana that Nick blamed himself for Yvonne's attack. Diana didn't blame him though, how could she? Nick couldn't predict what was going to happen to her and she hated the thought of him feeling guilty for something that he couldn't have foreseen. "You can't think like that"

"I loved her so much" Nick said, furiously wiping the tears away from his eyes.

"She knew that Nick. I only wish she'd understood how much I loved her" said Diana dejectedly. Her own relationship with her only daughter had been a difficult one and in many ways, Diana felt like she had failed her daughter. "I should have kept in contact with her better. Even when I knew she had been injured I..." Diana tailed off as Nick shook his head.

"Diana, I know how hard you tried to get in contact with Yvonne after her accident" responded Nick "That wasn't your fault"

"What does that say about me as a mother though? A mother looks after her child and Yvonne didn't want me anywhere near me when she was at her most vulnerable!" Diana began to sob again, leaning against Nick's shoulder. Nick didn't know what else to say. He just wanted to escape the house and escape the awful memories that it brought and that Nick had buried deep for so long. He couldn't leave Diana though, not in the state she was in.

Diana suddenly pushed away from Nick and wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry Nick"

"You've got nothing to apologise for. Why don't I go and make some tea eh?" suggested Nick. He always used to cringe a little when he heard people say that having a cup of tea makes everything better but in this instance, it didn't seem such a silly idea. Diana nodded and pointed towards the kitchen. Nick smiled as he stood up and headed towards the kitchen.

The next couple of hours passed rather quickly and to Nick's relief, it seemed the emotionally charged part of the visit was over. The conversation had instead turned to Nick's life and various enterprises in the US and Diana explaining many happy stories that she remembered from Yvonne's childhood.

It was 4 o clock by the time Nick left. He didn't leave straight after getting in the car though. He found himself staring into space for a good five minutes. It was strange. He felt weirdly content after visiting Diana. He didn't know why. The only reason he could fathom is that he and Diana had been able to talk properly about Yvonne, something that they hadn't been able to do before. For the last two years, he'd felt as if he had been grieving for Yvonne alone but when he spoke with Diana, he realised that he wasn't alone. It reassured him to know that both he and Diana could support each other as they came to terms with the loss of Yvonne.

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**Reviews are always welcome! I'm aware that I have noted Zoe will be included in this story and she will in the next couple of chapters! :) As always, thanks for reading!**

**X Natasha X**


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